“Come on” I cried. I grabbed Mary’s hand and tugged her.
“But what about mummy?” she moaned.
“Um… mummy’s in a better place…” I replied.
I couldn’t bare to tell her that her mother was killed when the entire ship started to panic after the ship began to sink.There were only ten lifeboats on the ship and I needed Mary to get on one.
We finally reached the side of the ship and I practically shoved Mary onto the final lifeboat.
“Where am I going?” Mary cried as the lifeboat began to lower into the sea, “to a safer place” I replied as the tears began to roll down my cheeks.
This is a stunning piece of writing, Ellen Mia. There is a real sense of panic and desperation in the narrator’s voice as he is determined to get Mary safe but at the same time, avoid telling her the awful truth about her mum. The descriptions are fantastic – tears rolling down cheeks – and your word choice excellent – practically shoving her in the lifeboat. Well done – this is brilliant!
Thank you so much for you wonderful comment I really appreciate it and I really hope you read my final story of 2014,
Go raibh maith agat, Ellen Mia
What a dramatic 100WC Ellen Mia! In just a few words you have ensured the reader feels great empathy for your characters – poor Mary who doesn’t understand the danger she is in and hasn’t realised her mother has died; and the narrator, perhaps her sister, who is trying to overcome the panic on board and save Mary. The ending is very powerful too. Thar barr!
Thank you for your comment on my story! I am not sure whether the narrator and Mary are sisters but when I planned my story and it’s characters I did plan for Mary and the narrator to have some sort of connection
Slán go fóill, Ellen Mia
A very dramatic piece of writing Ellen Mia. Well done! A good tone to your narrator and you keep the suspense right through the writing. Just be careful to check your writing before you post it as you have missed a question mark in this piece.
Ellen,
I like to hang out with my friends and make new friends. Also, I like your story and all the details that you used.
Sincerely, Danely
Watsonville C. A
Here is the link to my Bloog:http://kidblog.org/MrMcGintysClass3/author/aeab50b5-f46c-4031-bf81-ac35ffcdc2a9/
I also like to hang out with friends, and I will make sure visit your blog
Thank you Ellen Mia
Ellen this story was really good and had realistic emotions. You can check out the blogs here. http://kidblog.org/MrMcGintysClass5/
Than you for your comment and I’ll make sure to look at your blog
Thank you, Ellen Mia
Ellen,
You are such a great and creative writer. I loved the feeling of your story. It was sad, yet dramatic. Keep up the amazing work. 🙂
Do you play any instruments? What would you like to be when you grow up? Are you an artist? I play four instruments: piano, keyboard, recorder, and the drums. I would want to be an actress/ singer when I grow up. I loved your story. Come and visit my blog: http://kidblog.org/MrMcGintysClass5/author/b0c0774e-98bc-40b3-abae-c5eba1a96823/
thank you for your comment! I play tin whistle and when I grow up I would like to be a architect. I will definitely look at your blog 🙂
Slán go fóill, Ellen Mia