At the corner of his eye he spots a curly head of hair close to the edge of Snowdon mountain. Jacques slowly makes his way until he was right behind him. Jacques felt his tummy churning with excitement, In a blink of an eye he was watching the curly hair disappear in the water thousands of miles beneath him. He looked around quickly hoping no one saw him. Just then he heard Harry Styles singing his famous song “Fire proof” with that fright he stumbled backwards, the last thing he heard was the sound of Harry styles voice getting quieter and quieter then it turned in to nothing.
Fantastic! A little error with tense in the beginning. I love how you have left it to the reader to work out that Jacques has pushed this curly haired character off the mountain, only to then fall himself. Well done.
Ms McGrath (Team 100WC), Australia
My favorite part of this story was the ending. The way the music faded away to signify that he was falling was a great choice! Keep up the good work!