Dear Diary,
One day a man named Bob was going to climb a big big hill and he muttered to him self “I can do it” . The day was grey and miserable but Bob still insisted to climb the big big hill so he did . Bob was half way up the big hill when a wild hyena started Bob was really scared . He was almost at the top when he moaned to him self “when I go home I’m going to have a very very nice sandwich” .
wow, I love it. You drew me into the story
Hi Katie – I like that you have chosen to write this as a diary entry. It might have been more fitting to write in the first person but this would have been my personal preference. Try to proof read your work before submitting it as there are quite a few missing commas and a fullstop. These are easy things to put right. I enjoyed reading the content of your story. You managed to bring the character of Bob to life and make him seem real. Well done!