Dear Diary,
Yesterday, my family and I went to the zoo. Unfortunately the weather was miserable, there were big grey rain clouds in the sky. First of all we went to see the elephants who were drinking water through their trunks. Shortly after that we had lunch. I had a ham sandwich, well half a ham sandwich, a hyena snatched the other half from my hand and ate it greedily. Then he turned and went to climb back up the tree. Just then the clouds disappeared and the sun started to shine. It was a great day.
Well done, this is a good piece of writing, next week I look forward to some more excitement! Niamh
Mary Ellen, I like the unique way in which you tied the words from the prompt together, especially that your story had a clear beginning, middle, and end. It was very realistic, and I look forward to reading more adventures from you.
Thank you for your lovely comment, I’m glad you found it realistic:)
Well done on your clear narrative. The descriptive writing along with the story create an entertaining flourished piece.
I like how you put how the hyena took away the sandwich from you it was a good idea.
I like how you made yourself into the story. Also I like your word choices.
I liked how you added small details that are so big to the story. That is like a normal day at the zoo but its just so rainy and bad weather it felt like to was real. I can make a connection to this story. in kindergarten we went to the zoo but it was raining.
I like it because you talked about a trip to the zoo and the hyena eating your sandwich.
I like your story. I liked how you wrote it in the diary perspective.
That was an amazing story! I loved how the hyena stole your sandwich.
I really liked it. It had lots of detail it was funny and how it started out as a bad day then turned to a good day it says a bad day can turn to a good one can’t wait to see more stories bye you
Mary Ellen, i really like how you used dear diary and how you used the zoo as a topic. Also all the words put to gather really made scene to me. I like the part when the hyena snatched the other half of your sandwich. You are really good at righting. keep it up.
Good story, nice job!!!
That is a very great story,nice job